Somewhere around fifty, or thirty, or whatever number scares you, people start saying “we should do something.” Then three relatives have three different ideas, someone makes a spreadsheet, and the fun drains right out of it.

If you’re the host, or the person being celebrated and quietly dreading it, try this order instead.

First, decide how you want the evening to feel. Loud and full of dancing? Warm, with long conversations? Good food and a few old friends? Once you know that, a lot of other choices sort themselves out. You don’t need a theme either. Plenty of great parties don’t have one.

Then be honest about who’s coming. It’s tempting to invite everyone you’ve ever met, but a smaller group often makes for a better night. If you do want a crowd, think about where they’ll sit, eat and chat without bumping into each other.

Think about the mix of ages, too. At these parties you often get friends, parents and kids all in one room. The playlist your friends love might send your grandmother looking for her coat. A quieter corner, or a slightly earlier start, can save the evening for the people who tire sooner.

Food matters more than people think. Sit-down dinner, shared plates or finger food? Each one changes how the room is laid out and how people move around. If you’re bringing in a caterer, ask what’s included in the price and what costs extra.

If you want a toast, a slideshow or a speech, work out when it happens and who’s giving it. Give that person a heads up. Nobody enjoys being handed a microphone by surprise.

Don’t forget the dull stuff. Sound, lighting, coat storage, washrooms, parking, and what time you have to be out. They’re not exciting, but they decide whether things run smoothly.

Once you know your numbers and the feeling you’re after, start looking at somewhere to hold it. Ask to see the space set up for a seated dinner and for a standing party, because the same room can feel completely different.

And let a little go wrong. The cake will be late, or someone will get your age wrong in a toast. Years later, that’s the part everyone laughs about.